desired dreams
Tuesday, July 30, 2002
"... thats why its better to bi-sexu... you get more options..."
and theres nothing better then being bi (curious). ROTFL. one of these days i'm going to get myself into trouble. XD XD XD i should be going to bed.. *yawn* i'm still looking for a racer bf/gf/companion... someone get me one damn it. >_<
Monday, July 29, 2002
There is nothing better then classic wrestling.
haha. i was watching RAW (is war... bwahahah) and watching the match between Ric Flair and The Rock. it makes me think back to how long Ric Flair has been around... and how much of a legend he's become. its cool. XD um. yah.
i'm going to host Umi's pics for her new layout. it'll be supah cool. it will be her owns... and hers to call her own layout. i'm proud of her. she's making an attempt. It'll turn out good. ^_^ There is always room for learning how to improve layouts too! That goes to everyone, including myself... and yet... even putting the effort to learn and to try is amazing! ^_^ Speaking of which... I got my horn-y boy addicted to blogger too. (I think... he's going thro a trial phase right now ROTFL). so yah. go check out his bloggy... cuz its fruity. o_O;; yaah.
Todays worth of camp went mostly well... the girls in my unit started getting really latchy catchy onto me. I swear! They're starting to latch onto me... they couldn't stop calling out my name at the craft table. I guess girls do get attached to you after a while. It really is amazing. This year we really haven't had any bad girls... they're just fidgety... they can't sit still. Which I understand... cuz I was once there. ^_^ yah. lately... i've been going thro a lanyard craze.... making lanyards like craaaaazy. i finally learned how to do the cobra head... so that'll be cool. ^_^ yah. two more days of camp... and its over. I can't believe it! Hmmm... yah... oh Erica is going to ride in my bus tomorrow... it will be fun. i've never ever ridden the bus w/ Erica before... counting the number of years we've been taking different buses to camp... it will be fun! ^_^ i'm happy happy.
Tomorrow evening i will go see catherine... we are going to work some more on our cosplay stuff... we will slowly finish it all. yah yah yah. ^_^ i admire her sewing... hopefully i'll learn how to sew well by working w/ catherine. and and and.. hopefully foxy will finally be able to do her own cosplay things... i want her to. it makes me feel bad that she hasnt really... but... i would love to cosplay with her! ^_^ i'm so excited.
lala. i also added my oekaki pics in... and uploaded my two other old layout temps.... what else? can't remember... i'm flubbing. *flop*
i guess i'm excited about many things? I d/l some ani difranco songs like Emily suggested... its interesting. its kinda cool. ^_^ but yah. iono what else to say... i'm slowly draining and getting tired. yah. okay... i go now. *flop*
i am blogging-ness-ness-ness... i'm getting tired actually. phooie. today went to church, malibu, went to fux uncles compy... or at least try. i dont really like norton anti virus... they screw around w/ my uncles compy. and then i went to micheals... bought more lanyard string... what else? got milk pearl tea, went home... showered, dyed my hair purple... and i went to catherins house. we worked on some stuff. she showed me the slip stich. so now... i can work on my skirt for the pita ten outfit. yah. i finally finished watching Fruits Basket. the ending was... interesting. it makes me think about what am i going to do with myself... and... who really does accept me for who i am.
if its something to think about, that anime speaks out about how much everyone hates themself... and yet. there will always be someone out there who loves you for the person that you are. not like thats going to change any of my own opinions. but maybe thats what keeps us all going? that there's someone out there who accepts you for who you are... and is there to be with you, to care for you and love you. i don't know. thats what it seemed like. people said that the anime kinda sucked. It wasnt bad... maybe they just didnt understand? i dont know. o_o; i'm babbling. its late at night... um. yah. bleeeee.
i've been constantly listening to that Running Away song by Hoobastank... its still playing. i think i'm going to go buy the album. yah.its really good. the songs are addictive. um yah. wai. i'm falling asleep. me so tired. gotta take appart another sleeve. i'm thinking of making a kingdom hearts layout. but i'm not sure yet... there are a few pics that i really like. ^_^;; n e way. i'm going to bed... yah. *flop*
Sunday, July 28, 2002
v a m p usako: heya, what kind of music do you listen to?
EMShine12: awww...yeah it's been a while
EMShine12: umm basically anything
v a m p usako: like what?
v a m p usako: *is looking for new artists to listen to* ^-^
EMShine12: ani difranco
EMShine12: melissa ferrick
EMShine12: portishead
EMShine12: lamb
v a m p usako: what kind of music is that?
EMShine12: lucious jackson
EMShine12: umm, first two are lesbian folk
EMShine12: second two are trip hop
v a m p usako: how do you describe that? i've never heard of such a genre. ^-^
v a m p usako: trip hop?
v a m p usako: interesting stuff to listen to!
EMShine12: lucious jackson is a girl band for fun, but quite good as well
EMShine12: definitlely check out lamb and portishead tho
EMShine12: do you dl music?
v a m p usako: yaaaaah.
v a m p usako: whats trip hop? o_O;;
v a m p usako: i'm always wanting to listen to new interesting stuff.
v a m p usako: ^_^
EMShine12: trip hop...hmm
v a m p usako: is it like rap? or? o_O;;
EMShine12: well it's sort of like ambient techno....like looped beats and stuff too
v a m p usako: ooooh i see i see
v a m p usako: okay... for ani difranco what songs do u suggest?
EMShine12: but with the slowed down beats of hip hop....nothing like rap but just the beat sequences are often similar
EMShine12: ooh i'll give you a list
v a m p usako: ooooooooou. with radio head. =O
EMShine12: exactly...sort of experimental like that
v a m p usako: bwahaha. i should like save this convo. gives me a new list of songs
EMShine12: hehe please do and then drop me an e-mail and lemme know what you think
v a m p usako: of course! =D
EMShine12: but umm, there are some elements to trip hop, like in some songs that have turn tables etc
v a m p usako: cooool =D
EMShine12: same with sneaker pimps, you heard of them?
v a m p usako: it rings a bell
EMShine12: okay, so here's the list.
EMShine12: melissa ferrick - everything I need; could you be the one; willing to wait
EMShine12: ani difranco - fierce flawless, circle of light, shameless...but basically anything from any album, i especially like revelling/reckoning her new double cd
v a m p usako: mmkaye. =D
EMShine12: but wait, there's more
v a m p usako: yay!!
EMShine12: Lamb - Cotton Wool; Trans Fatty Acid; Gorecki
EMShine12: Portishead - Scorn, or anything else basically that you stumble upon, but that's my fav song
EMShine12: Sneaker Pimps - Si u\
EMShine12: oops
EMShine12: typing in the dark
EMShine12: let's try again
EMShine12: Sneaker Pimps - Six Underground; Spin Spin Sugar
v a m p usako: *giggles*
v a m p usako: yay!!! ^-^
EMShine12: Lucious Jackson - Fantastic Fabulous; Ladyfingers
v a m p usako: coooooool =D
v a m p usako: new things to check out. ^_^
EMShine12: and if you like a little house thrown in there
EMShine12: iio - rapture
v a m p usako: ooooh.
EMShine12: andd....
EMShine12: Faithful Dawn - I am nothing (get the mix though)
v a m p usako: are u very into techno-ish kind of stuff?
EMShine12: i can't remember the name of the mix...hang on
EMShine12: faithful dawn is a little more on the goth end of the spectrum
EMShine12: not very...but it's mostly what i listen to
EMShine12: that and lesbian folk, hahahaha
EMShine12: i like drum and bass when you get down to it....if you're talking about techno techno
EMShine12: but trip hop is my thanggg
EMShine12: haha
EMShine12: i'm almost done, lemme just find that mix for you 'cause that song is the absolute shit
v a m p usako: ROTFL
v a m p usako: this will take me FOREVER. ROTFL. <~ has a slow connection
EMShine12: LOL, well it's all good stuff i can promise you that much, so you won't be disappointed after putting in all that time
yay! new music to go off and download... and check out. ^-^ *muah* much thx to Emily for suggesting this kind of stuff. yayayay! Went to china town and japan town w/ Erica, Andrea, Daniel... and Warren and both their moms. it was fun. i didn't get much in china town... bought paper stars. thats all. what else? in japan town i blew all my money. i bought:
- Tiny Snow Fairy Sugar Manga book 2
- Pita Ten fanbook 2
- Fruit Basket book 9
- hikaru no go book 2
- hana to youme (sp?) mag 15
- TMR best hits cd
waaaai. the TMR cd ownz me. then i went hope. it was a nice day. ^_^ *yawn* i think i'll scamper off and go d/l some mp3s... and watch furuba. yah. ^_^;;
Friday, July 26, 2002
Wow. posting again. after that big long one huh? hah. lately, i've been feeling... empty. I want to cry, for no reason. there has been so much negative energy around me that its starting to take effect on me. it make me want to run away, cuddle with my cow and hide myself from the world. blah. my brother lately has been a bitch. he's always on B-net playing starcraft. Its not tha starcraft is bad... but its the fact that he obessess over it and can't divide himself up. Like on sunday night i called hom at around 10pm and said, "Can you go online and ask Eris if she needs any last minute camp stuff from safeway..." and he totally blew me off. he said, "No, i can't, i'm ont battle net, go call her yourself, i don't care." and blah blah blah. shit like that.. and i ended up calling super late in the evening. made me feel bad. but like... i wasnt online all day yesterday, i had to push myself in the morning just to go online and check mail. after going to bed super late last nite. but it was worth it i guess.
late nite i went out w/ Ken and Evan. It was good seeing them both, we went for some Milk Pearl Tea @ tapioca express, and then went to BK in San Carlos, and then went up for a drive in Evan's (daddys) BMW. We went up to Woodisde, on H84 and then on some random highway road. it was fun, what a ride. I haven't done that in so long... drive up in the skyline. makes me want a racer bf/gf. *sighs* talk about deprived. -_- but it was still nice. on the way back, we stopped by to check out the view. it was beautiful. Hopefully they'll take me out for a ride again. ^_^;;
haha. speaking of which... something classic happened last nite. haha. While Ken and I were waiting in the car... Evan goes out... go uh yah. okay... just read the quote...
Ken: "Dude, theres two guys taking a girl out to check out the view... and Evan goes out to take a piss..."
Jocy: "Dayam... I didn't know Evan was an Exhibitionist..."
Ken & Jocy ROTFL. haha.
funny shit... the two guys and the girl like... bolted after standing there for like... not even a minute. i think. he took a piss... and claimed there were like 2 other pair of ppl sitting out there on the benches and stuff. o_O;; exhibitionist. i swear. ROTFL. funny shit. but like during the whole time i was with the guys... i... hella talk like a nor cal grrl. its funky. for realz. i talk like a nor cali girl. last nite i was saying the following words: Hella, dayam, for realz / for realz?, dude... and the list goes on. It was funny shit. i aint jokin. yeah.
first week of camp is over. it went well, cook out went well today. We weren't last. we got our lanyards today... i got funky colored lanyards. kinda cool. i wonder how long it'll take me till i finish. not too long prolly. i should go out and get some more lanyard strings. sou yah. It wuz alright. I got a flower and candy for graduating... and t-shirts as usual today. camp t-shirts. um yah. o_O;; ask me if u dont kno whut i'm talkin bouts. and yah. other than that... its been alright.
i dont wanna work tomorrow... but i have to. i gotta go to the docters tomorrow to check my eyes. i'm really happy nothing went wrong. i will be able to see with my eyes. sou yah... i'm babbling... weeeeeeeeeeee!
lately i've been listening to hoobastank (still) and Umi has been trying to get me addicted to Good Charlotte... it might be working. its kinda nice. an alternative group. Its interesting. I wish i could find more Living End albums... do they have another album? they're kinda cool. what else? iono. I'm not so sure about Glay... i think i want to download a few mp3s of Glay and formulate an opinion about it. but i'm not sure. d00d. my head fucking hurts. not enough sleep. gah. *flop and drools* blee. ou. i wore my bondage pants yesterday. 0wNaGe lyke wuuuuuuuuuuut. bondage pants own me. so does Coo's collar... that i made for camp today. that "Dress as a Star" day. so Umi and I dressed up as Coo. I made the collars, she made the armband. thx for the armband. its supah cool. ^^; it was a fun day. but i like that big B. reminds me of... =B
*giggles* i think thats all i wanna talk about. i got two shots from the docters today. not happy... x_X i had left over hamburger meat from camp... all eaten. i'd like to say tho. those bondage pants own me for realz. go bondage. XD bondage a go go... bondage to go. bondage take out. wahahaha. those bondage pants own. hRmz. i still feel as if i don't have enough bondage stuff tho. =\ i want a collar, but my neck is sooooooo thick. it sucks. so yah. -_-;; i wanna have an owner... sux0rs. i'm looking for a rice racer!!! i wanna go racing. vr00m vr00m. i should read those SCC (Sport Compact Car) mags and Supah Street. haha. n e ways....
20 lil grrls @ diamond crest daycamp = tiredness... esp if u are a bus ladee (similar to bus mom, but i don't have kids... haha). sou yah. x_X tiredness. gotta work tomorrow. docters appointment tomorrow... blah. *flop* g'nites.
Wednesday, July 24, 2002
re - posting stuff that i put up on k-lounge
i had eye surgery on thursday of last week. why you may ask... how shall i describe it? its because i needed it.
to make things short, it was so my eyes could remain healthy. - the fact is that my lower eyelashes were being pulled by certain facial muscles to roll into my eye. that is bad. why? because those eyelashes are like barbs to my eyes. Or so the dr. described it. So, surgery had to be performed, before i leave to indonesia. they said it wouldn't be too damaging or anything if i got it taken care of now. so i had it done on thursday. they added three stitches to my eyes. both of my eyes. the main purpose of adding those stitches was to pull those facial muscles and have it reverse the roll in effect. So, as expected, the eyelashes should naturally roll out... and they do. I was conscience the whole time the surgery went through. They used lots of anastcia (sp?), pain killers, velium, and other stuff. It was kinda painful, but i'd image it would have been worse if i could feel it. but now its slowly healing up. it looks like i have major eyeliner. it sucks. my eyes are still kind of sore. gomen Kim, but the docter is most important to me right now... what if something goes wrong. there is that possibility of me going blind... *sighs*. i was afraid of something like that during the surgery, but the surgery is over.
back out of the kodama lounge post.... more of my ranting... my eyes hurt. x_X
please be cautioned... these are my opinions... do as you please. i hope my 2 cents count somewhere. does n e one even read my blog n e more? o_O;;
as much as i want to go with my friends to yosemite... i can't. argh. i feel so bad... its like i made a promise... but i didn't keep it. i still feel bad... even if my friends say it's okay. cuz... in a way. its not. i don't know. there has been so much negative energy floating around, shifting emotions... that... i don't even know where my own emotions are.
ever since my eye surgery... i've felt... i dont know. I used to love the way my eyes looked... that was something that i loved about my own facial appearence... i always thought my own eyes had a soft touch... i guess? i don't know, thats how i feel. ever since the surgery, i don't think i will ever be able to look at myself ever in that way again. i mean... i have crease lines now - i look like i have MAJOR eyeliner on now.... and I HATE MAKEUP. except for lip gloss. i just hate it. hate it as much as i can... and now this? i can't even look at myself the way i used to. I really do hate the way my eyes look... it makes me wonder what people think when they see my eyes... sure. i still am the same person... i have the same personality, i am me. but... doesnt my eyes change something at all? i don't know. it makes me wonder. it makes me feel depressed, like i've lost a part of me that i love...
lately... i've been surounded by negative energy. i mentioned that above... but like. i have a pair of friends who have been fighting, aruguing, can't stand each other i guess? i don't know. i don't want to take sides. i'm probably going to ramble on about how i feel about this... and i have my own opinions on friendships. i don't care if they hate what i'm going to say, but i'm going to say it any way. not like my 2 cents would matter... my 2 cents are my own, and only my own. people can read them, think about it, reflect upon it, and conclude their own opinions based on my opinions... but don't use it against me, don't let it drown you into hating me. the last thing i want is losing friends. people who are unique. people who are not ordinary, people who i cherish as friends and respect them for the wonderful qualities that they have. i'm going to throw in the lyrics to this song... that i have fallen in love with:
Running Away by Hoobastank
I don't want you to give it all up
And leave your own life collecting dust
And I don't want you to feel sorry for me
You never gave us a chance to be
And I don't need you to be by my side
To tell me that everything's alright
I just wanted you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
Why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
Cause I did enough to show you that I
Was willing to give and sacrifice
And I was the one who was lifting you up
When you thought your life had had enough
And when I get close, you turn away
There's nothing that I can do or say
So now I need you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
Is it a waste of time?
Is it me, is it you
Nothing that I can do
To make you change your mind
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
...What is it I've got to say...
So why are you running away?
...To make you admit you're afraid...
Why are you running away?
When i listen to this song, i think about it. It makes me think about the relationship that I have between my friends, the comitments that I make as a friend to another friend. I have fought with my friehds, we always have different opinions, we are our own. But, like the song it asks why they are running away... and i take it like... my friends can't stand to bear the problem and they are only running away from the problem. No matter how far you run, the problem is still there. and again i listen to the song. Its like... you can't stand for what you are, and you run away... why? I don't understand. Even if you fight... why does it have to end like that? Even if you hate each other, can't stand each others qualities... at least... why can't you be mature enough to appriciate each other and your own positive qualities. Both of your minds are so caught up in your own world, you don't seem like you want to open your eyes to see the larger world.
it reminds me when i fought with a friend... so we were childish to fight, we had our reasons, feelings and opinions, but... with some help of friends we fixed the problems. I understand him a little bit more. I opened my mind... something that i thought I loath... I think i might be willing to try.
It always ends up like this, as if people arn't strong. i don't know. i'm rambling. a lot of times... i feel as if people arn't strong in heart to finish what they start... even if that contradicts my natrual behavior... but. if you have strength in your heart to fix something... then it will happen. Since this fight, i have seen flaws in your own behaviours... that i realized. I noticed how i need to build myself to accomodate for these flaws so our friendships will balence... it's not that you need to change... its the idea of being able to adjust with each individual. Each person is different... even I believe that you shouldn't treat each person the same. Thats why you have Friends ( FRIENDS WITH AN S ) because... not just one friend can fix everything. And don't go babbling about how you don't have true friends... don't even start there. Everyone has a friend, no matter how much they deny it. it may not be a best friend... but. there is always room to make a best friend. If you don't do that... then it is your own fault.
so much more negative energy has been flowing. a good friend broke up with another good friend... and it makes me sit hear and think about where i went wrong. I only hope the best for them... I love them both, and I know they both love each other. But how far will you go... for the one you love? How far will you go to stop seeing someone you care for suffer? If it meant ending my social sphere with someone I love... just so they would be happy... I would. I would travel the end of the world just for the friends I love... because. I love them. Even if... you two are appart... don't let it tear you appart forever. The last thing you want is something like that haunting you for the rest of your life. As much as i know, and as me being me (such a hopeful goddamned person), I know that things have gone wrong, and yet it seems as if your both giving up... because... everything around you is pressuring you to feel foreign emotions, things that you don't want to feel. But, you can't let it happen to you, you have to fight. How far will you go for the one you love?
i don't know. i'm still rambling. this blog will be really long. i was late to day camp yesterday, made me feel bad. Hopefully i'll make it to day camp on time now as a bus sister. I'm responsible for checking girls into the bus and having them delivered to day camp. other than that, things have been going well. I saw this girl... named Woodstock... or well her camp name. I remember when... i was young... falling in love with her when she was an Aide. I'm really glad she never did change her name... I mean. hell. i was so fond of her when i was little... that i took towels and wrote "Woodstock" on them and drew pictures out of puffy paint. It may sound silly... but. When I saw her today it was like... god. an inspiration in my eyes. To look at her again as a grown adult... it makes me happy to realize that i've come this way... Its been so many years, even I can't believe... and the inspiration that has pushed me to go every year. I only hope that each year gets better... and i hope to learn lifes lessons through these wonderful girls. They give me inspiration... and lots of thought... about life itself. *sighs happily*.
on the lighter note. i've been watching furuba. its been like... a mental... lift? well no not really. its just been... poking at my brain. makes me think about my life and where i stand. ^-^;; haha. last nite i found out my friend was a cancer.. .(july b'day)... she sooooooo is not a cancer. *giggles*. i guess i will go now. i have to wake up early. i should try and get my tagboard up. but i'm lazy. i'm still waiting for my packages... i haven't recieved them yet. hopefully tomorrow. ^-^ much love.
oh. i've been listening to a lot more Jrock. ^-^;; TM Revolution, L`arc en Ciel... and hopefully downloading more of Gackt... and Glay??? o_O;;
np: Running Away by Hoobastank
Sunday, July 21, 2002
blah. i was blogging.. and i lost my blog. i r lazee to retype. so. i will summerize. XD
- pet squad b'day bash went well
- relatives forgot birthday again
- i failed ap english test... i got a 2. =T
- i got eye surgery on thursday (july 18th?)
- i got rejected from pomona on thursday
- i picked up my portfolio from the San Mateo County AIA (I got a $1,500 scholarship... w00h00!)
- went cosplay shopping w/ catherine on thursday...
- eyes are sore
- day camp starts monday
- i am a big sis bus ladee for the fox school bus to camp
- i saw lilo and stitch today (i've seen it twice now)
- my eyes still hurt. =T
so yah. random stuff. x_X i've been busy... i put up the new layout like this past week... but i couldnt find a splash page until today. ^^;
oh i got a angelic layer poster off of ebay, and a hikaru no go gba came from himeya.com
so yah. okay... i'm done. blah. maybe i'll blog more later?
Wednesday, July 17, 2002
WEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEeeeee. New layout.
yah. it features Mitani from Hikaru no Go. uM yah.
i think tomorrow i'm going to buy the HnG gba game...
Yukiryu and I played Go this evening... it was wonderful. I wonder if i am getting better. ^-^;; thx for the game! it was fun.
i've been busy, catherine and i will go shopping for fabric... for like our pita ten cosplay. hopefully it will turn it very well =D
i've been listening to all the ops and ends to hikaru no go. i've been listening to Ragnarok Online Music. Also, i've been listening to TM Revoultion (TMR TMR! Go check out the blooper beta version 4 layout... haha i'll put it up sometime soon). so yah. random. i haven't blogged much. =T i should put some of my stuff on ebay. i should start packing for college. maybe i'll start blogging more when college rolls around.
daycamp is next week. cool. =D
i get eye surgery thursday. not fun. maybe i'll blog about it later. n e way. i'll go now. i gotta finish nicks and nacks of this new layout. ciao.
np: I'll be the One - 2nd OP song for Hikaru No Go.
GO GO IGO
Monday, July 08, 2002
gee. i havent blogged in a while. makes me wonder if ppl actually read this stuff. gah. i'm really lazy. dont feel like blogging... maybe i'll put up a simple layout. when i get a chance. i want to use a pic from angelic layer. i bought the manga yesterday. uM. yah. XD i go now. bye bye
