desired dreams
Monday, April 29, 2002
hRm. am i supposed to make this a long blog?
i dont wanna summarize my whole fanime weekend.
but i wanna say it was fun, and for the first time. i feel free.
i've never felt so free ever in my life. well minus friday night when my mom picked me up and dropped me off... but it's alright cuz i felt soooo free saturday night... and i'm such a good girl! No Sex! No Alcohol. (well just a sip... but other than that i was still a good girl). It was so nice. i can't wait till i go to college. ^-^
gosh. but i'll miss people... i'm already missin people...
and i'm falling in love. someone hurt me. i can't... i must not... i should not. i'm going of to college... and and and... i'm really startin to fall for him. he asked for a ride home on saturday night and i was like. o_O;; ask me for a ride?! I thought i'd be the last person on the list. and geez - he lives in the boonies of san carlos. But still... i got to drive him home saturday night! and i saw him today... in a way i kinda like the block scheduling cuz... i get to see him. but i wont get to see him tomorrow. phooie. =(
i told him some day long ago that he makes me happy... and he still does. ^-^
*scampers off and plays w/ her new ken-ohki doll* muwahahaha. i have both ken-ohki and ryo-ohki! *happy*
Thursday, April 25, 2002
WAHAHA. i picked up michelle branch's cd... its all mayenes fault!
speaking of which i should write that letter. meebee i'll send it after fanime. =P
Wednesday, April 24, 2002
OMG. random thought of today before i forget.
so daniel and i went to mc-ds cuz i was hungri... so i ordered some food and a mcflurry... and their ice cream machine broke... and it started making funny noises... so they were like, "Do you want a milk shake instead?" hahaha. talk about funny.
so i got a choco. milkshake instead and on my way out.. the machine starts making even more scary noises. o_o;;
HRm. i gots mayene's letter yesterday. i should write to her back. haha =P
FANIME
wahahaha. i'm so excited. i should be done with my costume tonight. it doesnt usually take me that long. o_O;;; so. i have marine biology to study for (nooooo i dont want to watch those evil videos...) and yeah.
i got performance tomorrow night... *sighs* but i get out of work early for it. ^-^:;;
daddy and lil bro left to disneyland today.... bus came 2 hours late. so they'll be in LA by like 11pm or something like that tonight. I dont have much to say. so much stuff has been going on in my life.. its like. i'm too lazy to write it down. if yer wondering - just ask me. hahahaha.
Saturday, April 20, 2002
Friday, April 19, 2002
Find out which Moulin Rouge song you are.
which children's storybook character are you?
this quiz was made by colleen
ummmm. yeaaaaah. hahahaha.
the musical SUCKED today. badly. omg. but the girl that i was talking about the other day.... she cut her hair... and she reminds me of Sig... OMFG. she looked *GOOD*. but like... later on my friend asked me, "is she a girl? or a guy?" and i'm like. wtf?!!? what do u think? >_<... people. not exposed to that sort of thing. i guess. but seriously! she looked goooooooood. i hope i can get a recording of her stuff tomorrow... *is happy*...
mmmkay. moment of today - watching Nate trying to get glitter off his face... (glitter pens r0x). hahah.
*scampers off*
waaaaaaai. i'm at the library now! yay. =X
*burps* i just went to subway with Sarah. yummmmmi! i got prom pics! hopefully someone will scan them online. haha. yeah. nate ran off w/ my prom pics... but i haf groupie pictures. ^-^; so its all good.
yeaaaaaaaah. iono. not much to say... gotta watch all the marine biology videos tho. =X thats a bad thing. mmkay i go now. ttfn. ^-^
Thursday, April 18, 2002
I guess since i'm on blogger... i might as well blog.
i really havent blogged anything in a while... things have been passing by so fast. life is so short... i can't believe it. and i'm feel so... so down. so depressed. i thought i had met a wonderful woman (and of course she is!). Quite unique... in her own way, guy like... a tomboy... something that made me feel so... girly. i guess. meeting her last thursday... was wonderful. so kind, so interesting! and then i did the wrong thing. i started to fall.... for her. so pretty! T_T
and just when you've fallen for her... you find out. shes married. and it makes my heart... fall... many floors, down the stairs and into the basement. i watched her today... she looks so good in a tux. knowing me anyone looks good in a tux. but especially women. why!? why do i do this to myself? she looked *good* - well ppl may not think so. but i do. i have weird taste i guess. *sighs*.
god... when i thought i've found a wonderful woman... things change. well i guess better to find out now... then to have found out when it was too late. *sighs*
Wednesday, April 17, 2002
almost forgout about the archives. i'll worry about that later. i hope ya'll like the new layout. ^-^;
*huggles chococat* >:D
uRm. need to get archives on here somewhere... and i'll prolly put a random page on there. for my random pics, poems, whatever stuff i guess?
i need to get a guestbook going too.... yeah. okay. i'm off.
moooooooo.
np: Goodbye to you by Michelle Branc
quote:
"thats cuz you can't get any"-jocelyn
"ach. you mean you right?"-nate
life is full of love. all you have to do is give it.
Monday, April 15, 2002
Thursday, April 11, 2002
hRm - extra info!
i finished the layout. i'll be working on the different pages now. gotta pick out a new CSS style for the website, get the links working, make a spalsh page... and it'll be all good. ya'll be in for a surprize and i'll be moving mai blog. yay. yah. haha.
np:112 - dance with me
the rest of todays blog can be found at the kodama lounge:
you know what really sux0rs today? those damned senior pics. argh. took so long.. and dey were like "No hand signs!" and like they said that as long as it wasn't offensive it was okay... and i had a peace sign. theres nothing wrong with:
"LOVE AND PEACE!!! LOVE AND PEACE!!!"
yeah. so the schools fucked up - they'd like girls with ultra see-thro shirts in the picture... and they won't even let someone promote love and peace. now thats jacked up. yeah. i'm at the library rite now. bleh. there are ppl peeking here. freaky ass. ¬_¬ yay they're leaving! haha. good riddence. so where is everyone going to be in a while? or shall i not talk about the future? hahaha.
i have to work today. ¬_¬;; not fun. and then today is also open house, but i can't even go to that - i have to go to the spring musical rehersal. yay. mr bice has been having a cow (music teacher). Well i don't blame him... i mean seriously - when you're trying to work w/ the chorus ppl from the musical and get it to work (sync) with the orchestra and then the chorus ppl say
"Oh we haven't learned these lines yet..."
it makes you want to hit them with a big spatula!!! =O they're so dumb! >_<;;; a waste of time. and our band festival is comming up soon... so go! haha.
dates comming up:
april 13 - PROM (wheeeeeee!)
april 14 - Kim and Jocy r going to see RENT
april 18,19,20,25,26,27 - spring musical: The Sound of Music
april 19 - Kim-lumeny phresh's b'day
april 20 - Cheryls b'day and 420 (haha)
april 26,27,28 - fanime!
mmhmm. thats all for now. =D i'm outta here... (gotta go to work... fun... no its not)
btw - grace, kim! we need more culture points! (i need like 3 total... it'll boost our grade up... lets go see that stones thing with those two guys playing like 30 parts. haha.) kaye. out for realz.
Wednesday, April 10, 2002
someones always got it worse then you. and its probably me.
what i hate in my life - is when people bitch about their life...
"Oh! I'm not going to this UC!!! I didn't get in!!! boo hoo hoo"
i hate when that shit happens, if you werent allowed it - meebee it was cuz it wasn't ment to be. you just happen to be the unlucky cat... hell you probably got in somewhere else... you have choices. don't favor just one fucking college... thats what i did. i made a big mistake. but i still got into college. and whats better? its farther away then i had planned! I WIN. hah. so either, i get an education, and i dont *live* at home. thank god.
"Oh boo hoo hoo. i'm so tired... i haven't gotten enough sleep!"
if you don't do the following:
1. work
2. go to school
3. take classes outside of school (ie. community college, online classes, etc)
4. play in an orchestra
5. is part of the orchestra pit in a musical
6. cosplay... for fanime.
7. docent
then you have no right to bitch to me. and my list goes fucking on and on and on. don't tell me your tired - i'm probably worse then you. I only come home to sleep now. *Thank god. i hate this fucking house* and thats all... and the only time i do homework is when i'm at home any way. so don't even start bitching at me that your tired. cuz i dont fucking care.
"My grades are falling! oh my!"
i dont fucking care. pass the class, get a grade, get the credits. who cares?! your going to go to college any way (i hope. and if your not, you'll be fucking sorry).
argh. *is angry-ness*
Monday, April 08, 2002
wheeeeeee! I've got a dates to my prom. sure he maybe a freshmen... but its the person that counts right? right? right? ^-^:;;
I'm all happy now. i've got server space (I'll be moving my blog soon... when i get the layout up and running....), i got a date. and i've started to work on the rest of my dress/costume/thing for prom. it'll be fun! =D
My english teacher was *really* happy with my sonnet storybook... after i spent like 6 hours working on it. (i watched cry freedom and moulin rouge.... while doing this... thats like 4+ hours right there...). Yeah. my english teacher like stole it from me... while we were doing group work and went through the whole thing... and then put it down, walked over to me and asked me if i was ready to turn it in (it wasn't due till like Friday or some shit... =3 i didnt know that till i finished it) and i said "Yes."
so one less thing to worry about. now i've got to work on writing a report on Sea Otters, and writing up that court case stuff. shiiiiit. x_X;;;; what are we going to do?! =3
anyway. i'd better get going!
come watch our school musical!
"The hills are alive with the sound of music..."
April: 18,19,20, 25,26,27
go watch it. or i'll stab you with a plastic knife! =D
happy day! ^-^
Sunday, April 07, 2002
hRRRRRRRRRMz. contemplating of moving this thing again. =3
but you know i've had really weird dreams... one of them happens to be in AP Engrish class.
we were talking about the book July's ppl (i havent finished reading) and everything that Mr. Hill kept on asking... i'd answer with a whisper... and he's know i've said it and my answers were right...
and thats all i remember. argh. *stabs her dreams* you never let me finish them and remember them.
today ish suuuuuunday!!! XD tomorrow is monday.
i hope my outfit will be done by the end of the week. mommy has helped me out *LOTS* we're going to work on the top this week. I have to make the alterations and stuff... cuz my mom sucks at altering clothing. ^-^;;;
Friday, April 05, 2002
i dont even listen to sum 41. o_O;;; oddity. I've been downloading some jrock mp3s. fun fun.
i really like B'z. and then again they did Liar! Liar! mwahahahaha. um yeah. thats all for now. i finished my marine bio report on the trip to The Marine Mammal Center and crap. I think maybe i'll write my other paper on something else. okay. i'm outs.
siiiiiiiiickness.
sore throat, stuffy nose, bit of coughing, i think i'm getting a fever.
must have caught it from Ross j/k j/k =P
things have been good. =D besides me getting sick.
my costume is comming along well. thanku mommy!
I need to get started on marine bio homework. blech. n e way. jocy is out now. =D
just cuz i broke up with someone doesnt mean i'm sobbing and creating a nile river full of tears...
we just decided we needed a break. it's not that bad really. so we're both single again. that means some other time i can go off and go seduce him again and make him all mine again. ^-^;; but thats in the future... when i'm more free... and not supressed under this horrible house and family and crap.
everything is okay! we don't hate each other.
there is always love for my darling, a special place in my heart where he will remain.
for crying outloud... he's worth so much to me. he's giving me things that no one will ever be able to give me ever again. so fuck yah i still love him. we're just not commited. and there will always be love for him even with out the relationship. we're still good friends. and i can still love a good friend. ^-^
Thursday, April 04, 2002
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun,
Coral is far more red than her lips red.
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun,
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks.
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound.
I grant I never saw a goddess go,
My mistress when she walks, treads on the ground.
And yet, by Heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
by William Shakespeare
the hillllllllllllllllllls are alive with the sound of muuuuuuuuuuuuusic...
all you need is love.... all you need is love... all you need is looooooooooove... XD
been watching Moulin Rouge waaaaaaaaay too many times. But I still lubors it. =D If you haven't seen it... go watch it! yeah. kim and i watched Moulin Rouge. then cry freedom... then Moulin Rouge again. and in the mean time we were doing our sonnet story book things. i have a few more pages to go... then outlining and coloring. yay. -_-;;
kaye. i go now. byeeeeeeeee.
Wednesday, April 03, 2002
http://www.archinect.com/discuss_cgi/groups/0416.html
wahahahaha. i'm going to grow up and be a sexu architect! XD
friends are special. and i luve you guys. *crys to peices* XD
where would i be w/o the support you give me. so i'm single again.. but that means i have another friend. but it's all good... its as if nothing has changed. i can run around single... and still love my Ross. ^-^
Tuesday, April 02, 2002
it was bound to happen wasnt it? yeah it was. everyone saw it comming miles ahead. all but me. back to being plain old me. i guess thats good? i dont know. maybe its better not to have a relationship right before i go off to college. i dont know.
it just happened. i'm single again. and its like... i dont feel sad, i dont feel happy. i'm not feeling anything right now. i dont know. but i have no date to prom. -_-;; i wonder who should i ask. i just want a friend - someone who understands. funny thing - horn players understand each other. =T why can't other men understand me? am i that complicated? or is it the world around me? *sighs*
listening to songs from moulin rouge isnt helping me. -_-
i finished the layout for the kodama lounge and its all purdy and sheit like that. yeah. *sighs* i guess i'll go cry now? i don't know. i can't even feel my emotions any more. bleh. i have to work tomorrow. joy. yeah fucking right. -_-
np: No Day But Today from Rent
there is no future...
there is no past...
thank god this moments not the last...
theres only us..
theres only this...
forget, regret, for life is yours to miss
no other own
no other way...
no day but today...
Monday, April 01, 2002
don't you hate it when someone promises you something. something you've been anticipating for the past few months... and then *wham* in your face - that promise is broken. I hate promises. I hate hope.
it's as if you don't care any more. i never talk to you anymore, especially on the phone and in real life. I only see you online... and that's if your online. Your never around any more, never around me. It's usually me letting you go do things with friends... and when i look foreward towards one small event just to spend together. your scared. you won't go. you have no money... its not like i just asked now - you promised. back in janurary.... before formal. you couldn't even go to that either. and that time you promised me you'd go to formal.
are these promises lies?
and then the fits are thrown. someone gets angry, someone gets depressed. and in the end - there is no resolution. just pain. is that all there is now? just the pains of sorrow and sadness? what ever happened to the joy we used to share, where did it go? It makes me wonder where am i going, where will i be. and then when the decision comes close to an end... someone gets hurt. and its me. it's always fucking me.
some love. what are relationships about any way? they never seem to go anywhere for me.
what is love? someone tell me... tell me i'm only living a nightmare. or is my life a living nightmare?
you get my hopes up
and it keeps me high.
Then there are the "problems"
that you just can't deny.
and it falls, falls down.
my heart - into the depths of ice.
there is no love
there never was.
i'm only living a dream
that i want to forget...
so much work to do... and i haven't even done any of it. =X
I'm a baaaaaaaad girl. yeah right. i still gots my cosplay outfit to start. hRm. gots class tomorrow and such. =T
um yeah. thats all for now. happy bee-lates easter y0.
