desired dreams
Thursday, February 28, 2002
oh god i've got stomach pains... goddamn. i dont want to go home... i dont want to see those god damn college letters! i bet i'll be rejected by all three. =( ugh. everyone has recieved acceptance letters - everyone but me. ugh. why does college have to be this nerve wrecking? i mean seriously... if i don't get anywhere i won't be alone. or will i be? everyone's recieved acceptance letters from Cal Poly SLO but me. I mean... so i might not be completely SAT smart... and not get straight A's. but i'm definately *not* going into the computer departament... would that be enough to get me in? i really doubt it. i dont know. i'm scared to go home. i don't want to open the letter find out i've been rejected... and then have my parents get upset.
i sent an application to USC and now my parents *dont* want me to go there. why? its too expensive they say... why didn't they tell me that *BEFORE* i sent my application, and my portfolio and wasted a good $50 more on it. *sighs* and i dont really want to go to Pomona... i'm just hoping to go there and transfer to Cal Poly SLO. ugh. i hate this. *bashes head against the wall* why was i born a stupid child?
|
yaaaaay new layout. featuring... jocy's randomness of line drawing... =D
Thanku to Grace for the inspiration... its plain and simple but good enough. I'd also like to thank Sarah for scaning the pics and teaching me the wonderful world of Dodge and Burn on Adobe Photoshop 6.0 Now i am tired. x_X;;; i re-did my friend test... so ya'll go check it out okay? =P
http://lilusako.friendtest.com/
uM. yeah. o_O;; i think i'll edit some more stuff tomorrow... if i feel like it. heehee. anyway. i'm off to bed now! =D
Saturday, February 23, 2002
so tired. gosh... but i need to finish download the rest of Dancemania X9. waaaaai. tomorrow is RECCA's mini Con. I am excited! i am happy! so Rossi and i worked things out... it was good that we did. we talked, yelled, and as he said, "this was our first ever fight." I gues he is right? But we talked and worked things out. Hopefully things will get better. *yawns*
i've had such a busy week - i've actually have had lots of homework. I had government homework.. and then wrote this big Psycho-Narrarated peice of work for a brief dialogue from the movie Auntie Mame. my teahter is in love with that movie. but yeah. been going to bed at like two... and i guess this isnt helping either. heh. whatever.
so today in band class... we had a subsitute. okay... a subsitute. so i walk into class and i was standing around, talkin to my friends looking for a chair to sit in. He came up to me and said, "Please Sit down..." and i said, "Sure no prob I'll sit down..." and I went off to get a chair and brought it over to my friends and sat down. then the subsitute decides to come up to me and ask me again, "WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?" as if i said something vulgar to him... which i didnt. and i said, "I said I was going to get a chair and sit down..." and he was like, "Oh..." and gave me this dirty look like i'm lying. what the hell? i think he was racist... =3 but whatever - he had problems, i dont think he has ever had kids.... whatever.
but Kim and I went docenting again. it wasn't as crowded today... but i guess thats okay - Kim and I were totally out of it. x_X; but it was kinda windy... and it was really slow today. I saw Sea Lions taking a dump... (TWICE!!! in one day!!) and that was not a pretty sight. I also saw two branded sea lions.... and an entanglement. that sucked so bad. You could see the net cutting into the poor sea lions neck and the flesh was all red and stuff... so sad. T_T;;; not very happy. But after docenting we went to the aquarium!!! FOR FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAY. this whole trip today... i paied like less than 10 bucks for train tickets, muni tickets, docenting, and the trip to the aquarium! and we had our *own* docents! It was sooooooo cool. i love fishes. XD yeah. i'm typing up lots. wheeeeee!! I found a place where i can download Me&My 's first album... *happyness* i love them. *swoons* i love me&my. i hope they come out w/ new info asap about the next album! i can't wait. but i have to buy the other two albums too. T_T;;; they're SOOOOOOOOOOOO expensive. *sighs* but god i love them. its worth the money. so tiredness... but yeah. x________X;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; *falls over sleeping* so yeah. i was just thinking.. Relationships have ups and downs... and they're meant to be solved... and everytime i think about this i'm thankful.
i'm thankful that Ross is patient enough to deal with me... and willing to work problems out. *sighs happily* i hearts him much0. XD XD XD. okay... going off and thinking about a new layout for this blog. i'm outta here. =3
Thursday, February 21, 2002
My baby
Don´t you know you´re driving me crazy
Can´t you see that I am your lady
My baby
You´ve been playing with my heart lately
I´m begging you to come back and save me
My baby, my baby
Why do I keep on crying, when I know it is wrong
Why can´t I just forget what we had
Since the day that we broke up
I try to move on
But you got that something I can´t forget
And it´s making me sad
Cause I know that you love me
And I know how much you´re denying to see
That we were meant to be
thats how i feel... like all the time. -_- *sighs*
do you know what i hate? its this four lettered word. its called
H O P E
see that four letter word? its a bunch of bullshit. everytime i gave hope a chance... it blew shit back at me and laughed in my face. why do i ever believe in hope? always thinking theres always going to be a chance... yeah fucking right. there is no "another chance" ugh. I am frusterated... this happens to me so many times... and it sucks cuz i am always the one to luck out. please... for those of u who do read my blog - never give that chance of hope to me. or else it'll fuck me over. I mean seriously. Ross went out... and said, "Yeah... i'll be home 9 at the earliest and 10 at the latest... i'll call you" and that right there was a bunch of bull... and yet he said, "I'll try" those words led to that damned four letter word, H O P E. well sure enough right now its about 1 am and he hasn't called. not like it matters. god fucking damn it.
on a lighter note... ever since i saw that E! (Entertainment channel) clip on lesbians... i want to be with another woman. so scary! =O what is a girl like me to do? my chance with another woman... is like ZERO. NILL. NADA. NULL. NOTHING. yeah right. with another woman... yet at the same time... I would love to be on my knees and be a little pet to a mistress. that has always been a dream. I want to cuddle with another woman... and play with her hair. okay jocy is all fucked up now.
i'm thinking of making a new blog layout. fishies! hahaha. whatever. what else to say? i don't know can't think any more. but yeah. fishes rule. i gots anime club tomorrow... and i finished my govt hw. so i'm all good tomorrow. and i gots marine bio work to do. i should start reading. heehee. i gotta finish printing out the rest of the chobits translations too.
i was thinking... my ex bf and i have been talking a bit more than usual. is this a sign? are we finally over each other? I don't know. But its good to talk to him again for once. He's changed a lot - but its good to hear things from some one elses point of view. ne? alright... i'm outta here.
Wednesday, February 20, 2002
i read recently, "All women are natrually lesbians..." does that include meeh? its just weird... i never thought of it that way. =D
Tuesday, February 19, 2002
Sunday, February 17, 2002
gosh. i'm up late huh? whatever. today we celebrated my friends b'day. um yeah. it was a surprize party. haha. she didn't even know. so yeah. had a nice time... had to run a few errands... and buy her gift and what not. i dont want to talk about what happened today. it seems as if i've been summing up my life over and over again. whatever. but i was thinking... what makes a woman much more precious than a man? why couldn't it be the other way? more protection over a guy then a gal. iono. just a weird though.
i mean think about it... what if guys had to follow all the rules? and women... they had high car insurance, make the decisions... rule the world. what if the tables turned. would that not be weird? I dont know. i'm just babbling - guess it has to do with growing up in a tomboy state. eh? iono. o_o; does playing with toy cars count? hahaha. i don't know. god its so late.
i was just thinking this past week i was blessed twice... i wonder if i already mentioned that below. religion. thats another thing... something that i think about contantly. i mean. i dont believe in god. the end. what's not hard to believe about? but like my parents still force me to church and bullshit like that. but i don't believe in god. i don't think i will. here's the deal - i won't believe in god... until i see an omen. god knows what. psh. but i don't care. until i see an omen... i wont believe in that crap. but then again i believe in karma... that affects everyone... and i believe in reincarnation. i dont know that sounds like a bunch of crap. haha. but its an excuse to believe that our souls are clensed and reused! Recycled Souls! yay. whatever. so tired. songs playing in my head.
i want to get back into Vampire LARP. i want to play that innocent girl. playing innocent people is ALWAYS fun. it screws everyone over. =D i'm just a horrible person arn't i? if anyone is game let me know! i'm dying to play... for realz. i want to go back to playing... whatever. i guess i'm done for now.
listening to: me & my - secret garden...
You will find, you will find, you will find, you will find
you will find the answer
in the secret garden
you can find the answer
of energy and mystery
for your own heart...
*sighs*
Friday, February 15, 2002
Taken from arena v2
yay! i finally have time to post. i've been so busy lately... but no one wants to hear about that. but yeah. i was thinking about this the other day, but what would it be like to completely trash my whole "I'm a good girl" bullsheit life and started doing the things i've been wanting to do. i donno... but i've been thinking lately, i want to learn how to drive a stick shift (car). It seems really dumb, but then again I still want to learn. I want to learn so i can buy a car and fuck my parents over big time. say, "Fuck you cuz I gots a car you can't drive". yeah. that'd be hella cool. but then again i've noticed that a girlfriend of mine goes out with guys and cool cars. They're usually asian ricer guys. But sitting in the car and feeling it rip and roar. thats so cool. But yeah... this sounds so dumb. if u dont like this dont read it. =3``` But i am really considering learning about cars and stuff... they're facinating. i want to be able to take care of my own car, put together my own car... and drive with speed! weeeeeeeeee. i don't want to be the dumb girl that says, "Cars need gas and go vroom vroom". yeah. o_o; scary.
um. yeah. i wanna get into racing... sounds so hypocritical... but i want a car like Rally Vincents. XD````
But yeah, i haven't blogged in a while... i've been thinking about a lot of things. plenty of things. yeah. yesterday was v-day. whatever. i love you all! happy be-lated v'day. o_O; sounds like i'm wishing someone a happy birthday. stupid. valentines day is SOOOOOO god damn fucking comercialized. its not funni. but yeah. So I bought Ross something - but it was more of like a "I'm sorry about what happened, and I'm making it up to you." I got him the same pocket watch i got him last year... cuz i broke the one that i got him. o_o;;; we were at a pool party and i pulled him into the pool... and watch went kaputz. the end. so i got him a new one. nothing big. =D but like... i didn't want to be pampered with chocolats. i didn't want to be pampered with flowers... i just wanted to see the man of my life. It's been so long since I had last seen him. My valentines day was special cuz i got to see my bf. =P But besides that... v'day is about love. love for friends. =D i'm not sure about my family... ~_~;; lately i've been hating them more and more. It's just cuz they're getting on my damned nerves cuz i'm growin up and all. it just makes me hate them more. argh. family problems. ~_~;
but my v-day was nice. Grace and Mike, Ross and I went out to Frisco - we ate at Jonny Rockets... then went to Ghirardelli Square... and then home. It was nice though... we had our shared moments and our laughs... and wonderful chocolate! hahaha. yeah. its "Ghi-rar-delli"... and forever more i know how to properly spell Ghirardelli... hahaha. but yeah. I want to go to the Teddy Bear Factory! heh. I've been getting a lot of bears too. ^-^; I lub Ross. =O. hahaha.
so today was my first day docenting. it was intimidating at first, but it was fun! We were trying to catch the 11:55pm train... but we missed it. I still say it was my parents fault but of course they wouldn't take the blame. they're too goddamn perfect to do that. bullshit. but whatever. and den kim and i took the train... then wandered around for a while wondering what we were supposed to take. hahaha. we were all like "Durrrrr... where are we? where do we go..." hahaha. but we eventually found our way... the Muni train cart shuttle things are hella cool! hahaha. they're neat0. and for the SF muni... we only spent $.35 and that got us two bus rides and a muni train ride thing. w00t. that is l337. for realz. and now i'm just here lounging around the house, er rather lounging around in front of my computer. yeah. but like the people we met when we were docenting were neat. they're from all over!
the most asked questions/comments of today:
"Why do they bark?"
"Where are the females?"
"You mean there are no females here?!" =O
"Why are their skin part bald and crap?"
"How do you know which ones are male?"
and the list goes on... as kim said it, "I feel like a broken record... saying the same facts over and over again."
with me on the other hand, i had some interesting experiences. i actually talked to two different people from the East Coast. they were all facinated! like wow. =O``` but yeah... one of them ended up asking me, "Is there a good seafood restuarant around here?"... and of course I didn't know the answer... o_O;;;; i don't eat seafood that often... so meebee i eat Sushi... but thats all usually - i don't waste money on good seafood.... i save money so i can buy manga. XD. hahaha. but yeah. it was interesting. there was also another couple... and i was evesdropping into their conversation... and they were talking in German!!! haha. it was soooooooooo coolness. much0 coolness. but like the only thing i could make out was, "Look theres two of them..." (as in two sea lions) and "They're really big" (as in weight of the Sea Lions). so yeah. and I got to see a branded sea lion! =O and I ended up counting about 313 sea lions today? aprox. it's not exact... but its right on somewhat. haha. but yeah. so now i'm supposed to do my homework... but i'm so tired. x_X;;;; i don't wanna do it. blech. but oh well. i'd better start cracking at the books. =D lata.
Tuesday, February 12, 2002
Monday, February 11, 2002
jocy: I love gracie. XD```
gracie: cuz they're sooo delicious
gracie: got gracie EEEs
jocy: ROTFLMAO!!!
gracie: =D new song for me =)
jocy: /me is going to post that =D
gracie: tehEHeh
Sunday, February 10, 2002
Friday, February 08, 2002
argh. i'm fucking pissed. for once i'm actually ticked off. when you hope that your boyfriend would call... after a long day... he fucking doesnt. so then ya call him... and you find him sleeping... and then to continue sleeping on the phone!
to make it worse... it's as if i were to pity him because he got a hit of weed.
HELL FUCKING NO
i ain't gonna tolerate that, i'm really getting sick and tired of the same damned shit. He's smoked more weed then probably talking on the phone with me. its not fucking fair... sorry if i
HAVE A LIFE
and i'mCONSTANTLY BUSY
because iHAVE A LIFE
. I do things to keep me busy... i don't fucking go off smoking and hanging out w/ friends. I hang out with friends to go out and discover something new.that all probably matters more over than my swollen left eye. it hurts like a bitch. its hella swollen too. argh. i'm in such a bad fucking mood. i'm HELLA MUCH0 PISSED. I'm just completely fed up... i can't tolerate it any more. argh. i think my vision is going bad. i can't see. x_X;;; argh.
i'm just fucking angry... on the lighter note... some random quotes...
A day (or two or three) in Band Class
Nate: We can sound like trumpets... we can sound ugly...
Jocy: Dork.
Nate: I know.
argh... jocy is so upset. for once i'm just really internally upset. -_-; someone shoot mee i'm going through lots of pain... my eye. x_O;
http://lilusako.friendtest.com/
how well do u think u know me? i bet there are lots of things i haven't told anyone. XD````
Wednesday, February 06, 2002
jocy: sandwhich or sandwich?
grace: pizza
grace: u jus confused me
grace: 1 h
jocy: hahaha
"I smoke pidgeons" - Ramona
Saturday, February 02, 2002
http://www.submarinesailor.com/
http://www.rontini.com/bbs/
I'd like to say.. thanks to those websites. helped me as mucho as dey could.
FOMF (friends of millard fillmore...) was this weekend. i'm so beat out. x_X;;;
HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLA tired. yeah. oh d00d. yeah. too lazy to blog. just thinkin and ponderin... and missin mai rosshi. =( so mucho. its been over a month with out you, with out your hugs and kisses. i miss you lyke whut. =( i'm so tired too. i should work on my website. =O
d00d. i got a copy of the Boys II Men album II. XD``````` oh hella yeah. thanku kevin hooooooooooooo! j/p. =P anyway...
dance with me... freak with me... no! XD
jocy being naughty.
freaking only with mai rosshi. =D``````````````
i'm such a bad little girl.
d0000000d. hella tired - fomf is like tiring. good thing i'm not doing that damned sleepover lock down thing. =O
anyway... /me is really tired. i'm thinking of doing a new layout for this again. iono. i'm getting tired of degiko. yeah. i think i might do chobits. =O iono. i actually read all that i could... and theres no more. T_T; no more translations. maybe i'll do trigun? gravitation? i donno. oh well. i'll look around. still thinking about it. =D g'nites.
by the way, if anyone finds anything on the USS Barbero and the 3000 letter missile launch call me! you kno the # 302.4792
Friday, February 01, 2002
Need the books asap (before sunday). its for Friends of Millard Fillmore, i'll tell u all about it later. =O
I'm looking for books on the navy ship USS Barberos - they sent missile mail in 1959 - if u find it call me 650-302-4792
thanku! =D
