desired dreams
Friday, June 29, 2001
bleeeeeech. when was the last time i posted on this thing? uGh. majooooooooooor not happy. =X yeah. something like that. i dunno. reno tourny comming up, and i actually get to go. omg. fresno tourny this weekend... its tomorrow. well. i went to Valco mall today O_o somehwere in sunnyvale... went to hot topic, got a few gifts (i still have to get more) and UmM got a new sweater! bondage ish your friend. =X *runs away* i lub0rs it. oh well. talk about getting rid of my old clothes.. a certain someone wants me to wear my skirts... ¬_¬ he should be lucky if i feel like beeing girly =P i dunno. like i actually saw a dress i liked @ hot topic... i tried it on. but i just didn't like how it fitted me... =P and then me and my bro saw this really kewl bondage jacket... and my bro was like, "WOAH. I WANT THAT! THATS HELLA KEWLLLLLLL" and i'mma like... "Huh? since when did u like stuff i liked?" *blink blink* it puzzles me. argh. i still have more girl scout scarves to sew. i guess i'll blog more later. o_O; yeaaaaaah. strange. must practice for reno! o_O (i sux0rs @ freestlyin)
Sunday, June 24, 2001
ugh. i can't believe this. guar. i can't sleep. maybe its because of all the hours that i had the night before... i wish i could sleep. but i can't. ugh. i dunno. me depressed. i miss mai boi. i guess u could call him that. ^^ i dunno. i'm so afraid. i want to hug him. heck. i havent seen him in lyke... over 2 weeks... make that 3. and lyke when i do get the chance to see him... i cant hug him. i cant kiss him. i cant do anything. i just stand there. and stare. everytime i see him when i go to svgl or like miggle... or sometimes even out with just the 0G crew... all i can do... is stare. i want to reach out and huggle him, and keep him all to myself, but isnt that just selfish? i
i dunno maybe i have been selfish? what can i say? i guess i'm that kind of person. and yet ugh. i've been so bothered by everything else... -_- why can't i be a good slave? yeah. i finally admited it. yes. my sexual fantasy. o_O; i hope no one is reading this. why can't i just behave. sometimes i don't get it. i dont understand myself... ugh. and ugh! i want to just... run over to my master... and huggle him. i want to love him. but i cant. i know i cant. it makes me sad. and on those days when i dont behave... it makes things worse. it makes me feel all depressed. i guess i can't do anything right. i usually never can. i dunno. -_- things already isnt right for me. ugh. i need to start on my summer reading too. it seems like the summer is passing by so fast. i can't believe it. a lot of things have happened... and i can't even believe it with my own eyes. what am i going to do? i dunno...
aiya. i'm thinking about it more. i just want to reach out. i want to hold your hand. please... i give up. i can't lie any more. i want to be with you. i don't care any more about what the people say. I need you. i'm tired of hiding i'm tired of running away. why can't we just admit the truth? why can't we? so our ages matter... but i don't care. i love you so much. what can i say? i really do. what can i do with out you? nothing... right now its u that keeps me going. if not hell do i know where i'd be. probably in hell. but i dunno. i don't want to keep this a secret. i just want to love you and not worry about what others say... i have just fallen in love with you. i can't help it. honest. i just can't. but i don't want to hide the truth any more. i want to reach out... for your hands... i want to hug you. i want to kiss your lips... i miss you. i miss you so much. and even if we talk on the phone so often... i miss you still so much. even talking on the phone isnt enough for me. i guess it never will be. i dunno what to say. i love you. i love you so much.
First Love - Utada Hikaru
~^*^~
Saigo no KISU wa
TABAKO no flavor ga shita
NIGAkute setsunai kaori
Ashita no imagoro ni wa
Anata wa doki ni irun darou
Dare wo omotterun darou
You are always gonna be my love
Itsu ka dare ka to mata koi ni ochite mo
I'll remeber to love
You taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta Utaeru made
Tachidomaru jikan ga
Ugokidasou to shiteru
Wasuretakunai koto bakari
Ashita no imagoro ni wa
Watashi wa kitto naiteru
Anata wo omotterun darou
You will always be inside my heart
Itsu mo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta Utaeru made
You are always gonna be my love
Itsu ka dare ka to mata koi ni ochite mo
I'll remeber to love
You taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta Utaeru made
~^*^~
*sob* i r sad... n depressed. i have been all day long. i dunt know why... i want STP's new cd... *sob* i dunno. ugh. i feel so. so. so. blech. ugh. i just wanna go sit in my corner and cry. i've been such... a ugh. kind of person. gah. i cant put words to it. -_- i go sit in my corner now...
Saturday, June 23, 2001
ugh. this disgusts me. i've been blown off by my family. fawking a. so i've been wanting to go to the new orleans fair at the shoreline... i went last year and i loved it. and because either i dont remember or my parents said it was sometime this month and didnt BOTHER telling me when and what day... i dont get to fucking go. -_- guar.
Sunday, June 17, 2001
Hi-5 is a place... where there are thieves... i got my wallet stolen.. thank god i had no money. my bro found it in the boys bathroom... but. i played lots of dancemaniaX. o_O i can do wild! er at least some of it. and stuff. i also beat orion 78! wheet. goo me. =X i wish i was in so cal. better yet. i wish i'm with that special guy of mine... *sigh* feel so alone. jas is leaving to alaska... and my guy wont come back till late at night... who knows whats going to happen today. but today ish daddy's day. we got him some funni gifts... but its all right. thats what life is. its funni. ^-^ kaye. i go play some more ddr. ciao.
Saturday, June 16, 2001
omg. i'm going to san luis obispo... o_O; to check out cal poly. =X skare. o_o; omg so many things happened today. good and bad. yay. i got to drive too...
driving down highway 280 at 80mph results in my daddy saying, "Hey mey... slow down..." heehee. my fobby dad. i lub0rs him. ^-^ help me so much0 with my driving... with out him. who knows how i'd learn how to drive... =D
my mommy? yesterday, we went out. went shopping for fathers day. hehe. we got matching lobster boxers from Old Navy (damn place ish cheep) for mai daddi and lil bro. ish will be funni. ^^. kaye... uM. cant think of n e thing else to say. =X
Jayson called... my *master* (heh... Usako will never die)... I get to sleep well tonite. after a few months. i finally hear from him. its wonderful. I've missed him so much. at least I know he's alive. I will sleep well tonite. ^_^
Friday, June 15, 2001
Heyo. Jocy here. again and again and again. well damn it. this is my blog. =P any way. today was the 'last' day of school. actually it was yesterday. but it was koo. me, and some other peeps (i think there were 10 of us all together) went over to Kevin's house. fun. PIU is the winnar... PIU skipping on the computer which throws you off the song is not. =T oh well. still. i got to play PIU. we also went swimming. Lots of fun. I think i got sun burned here and there... i dunno. oh well. i've got white skin. =T yeah. i r bored. i'm at my unkles place right now. *grumbles* but any way. we all know how i feel about it. not fun. i swear. it seems as if ppl like to play with his junk. oh well. =T hRm. but check it out. i got myself a job! yay! i start monday. ^-^; i need to bring my Drivers Lisence and my SSNO. hopefully i'll remember. yeah. something like that. omg. i've been thinking about so many things lately. Right now. i've been thinking about that special person. my bestest bud and stuff. He went to so cal with some other peeps... I wonder if he knows if i miss him. o_O; oh well. I was listening to Utada Hikaru's first cd last nite... it made me feel all mushy wushy and made me want my special boi even more. Hopefully him and his guys are having fun. If not.... then what was the point of going? Yeah. last nite we talked tho. I was HEKKA depressed. lately its been lyke, "Jocy do this... Jocy do that (all related to my future, and what not)" and then.... the end of the summer comes... and its like, "Jocy u cant stay out late... blah blah blah" and junk like that. sometimes i feel like i dont even have control over my own life. it makes me feel just sad. i dunno why. i become empty and stuff. i dont know what i am any more. or even whats inside. sometimes i feel like a jelly donut, with out the filling. i dunno? what can i say? oh check it out... i'm a senior now. =D yah! Go SeNioRs of C-MoNt 2002!! w00t. alright. enough skoo pride there. i've been ranting a lot haven't i? oh check it out! I got insurance too. i can drive! i can drive! w00t. i can drive. yeah..... something like that. hey ray-chan, have u gotten ur permit yet? O_O; d00d. i know some ppl who have. and others who havent... oh well. we'll see. ^^ not my fault if ppl crash into things. yeah. i can think of what else to say. so many thoughts going in and out of my head. o_O i swear, i think someone ish hax0ring into my uncles website... so it seems.... i dunno. i just talk junk. ^^ go neko neko! I will be working on the website full blast now! but jas will be on a cruize to alaska... =( *sob* no online buddy... =P oh well. oh yeah. and girl scout camp is comming up too. o_O i gotta go to that scarf party. and i gotta find out that where that lady bug lady lives... o_O; something like that. its like required trainning in make up of all the days i missed. oh well. ^-^; i go now. i can't think of n e thing else to write... so i guess i will go look at uM. pics. www.anipike.com ish winnar. something like that. think up of other ideas for the webbie too. ^^ i have a layout. but hopefully it will be alright. ^_^ kaye. i go now. =D toodles.
Monday, June 11, 2001
going to eventually get rid of my site.. and i'll just add on to LiL NeKo . CoM and stuff... and whatnot. but this blog will still be here. just hidden somewhere. ^^ i lub0rs someone. and i hope that person knows... yeah. its been a wonderful weekend, d00d. bop it extreme keychain style OWNZ j00. omg. its SOOOO much fun. my bro is complaining about how i can beat him at that game. ^^ its tight. hopefully i'll get to go to Eris' house tomorrow, go play some ddr. yeah. fun stuff lyke that. ^-^ w00t. uM. what else? SVGL tourny was fun... i get to go to skoo @ 10 in the morning! thats fun too. and i have no extreme studying for finals tonite! so i just gotta do some coding... o_O; go omocha box! hopefully someone will help me. omg. i just had the most wonderful weekend. I got to see Eric! YAY!!! my DDR idol! and my bestest bud. ^-^ i think he knows more about me now... skare. o_o; and like he's moving back! I R HAPPY NOW!!! XD and what else? I got to be a kid on sunday... me and my bro went to toys 'r' us... and we ran around and had fun. i watched my bro wrestle and pull off hardcore moves on stuffed toys and what not. it was the funniest shit. b ut yeah. oh well. i had a wonderful weekend... yeah. =D w00t. comets cafe is now open! ^^. i r out...
Friday, June 08, 2001
Unchained Melody
Righteous Brothers
-----------------------------
Whoa! My love, my darling,
I hunger for your touch,
Alone. Lonely time.
And time goes by, so slowly,
And time can do so much,
Are you still mine?
I need your love.
I need your love.
God speed your love to me.
Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea,
To the open arms of the sea.
Lonely rivers sigh, wait for me, wait for me,
I'll be coming home, wait for me.
Whoa! My love, my darling,
I hunger, hunger!, for your love,
For love. Lonely time.
And time goes by, so slowly,
And time can do so much,
Are you still mine?
I need your love.
I need your love.
God speed your love to me.
waaaaaaaaaaaaaah.... wa wa wa. i havent written in this thing in a while. hmmm... schools almost out. *sigh* i guess i'm happy. so while i sit here and eat oreos and get MAJORLY fat... i should type up stuff? i have so many things on my mind... i'm so in love. but why do i have to keep it in such secrecy.. i wish i didnt have to. but i do. for the sake of me, and my bestest best bud... double stuffed oreos are the winnar.
i really wonder tho. what are ppl gonna think about the tourny comming up. i hope nothing to bad... i honestly just wanna go and have fun.
ARGH! and what ruined my happyness today... "You did not make it to senior PYO... ur not good enough..." *sob* i r cry... i guess i am not that great... -_-; i do suck... blech. oh well. i cant think of n e things today. for graduation we're playing grand march, pomp and circumstance... and uM. invicta... yeah. carrie played that peice too... ugh. i think me ates too many oreos. =X oh well. heh. its been one wild week. next week is finals too. oh well. i r tired now... o_o; i need to take a nap. oh well. i r stop rambling. ^-^
